They’ve done it again! The crazy food scientists (probably in Eric Schlosser’s New Jersey) have created a foodstuff that tastes the way we “expect” a burger to taste, even though everything about this thing is 100% WRONG!

This “natural” extension of the 7-11 Big Bite Hot Dog line-up is roller cooked until perfection (or until they pluck yours off) and delivered on a squishy hot dog bun. Step over to the condiment island and load it up as you please, I put on sweet peppers, ketchup and mustard, and there you have it – a concoction you would have had to dare your grade school friends to eat…but you are older now, on a tight budget and hungry, so let’s call this – lunch.

The rolled meat is infused with cheese and onion-y bits and has the texture of a kafta kebab, which it might have been called if (and I am only imagining this) focus groups would have signed off on eating anything labeled as mildly Arabic. In fact, if you ever find yourself in an Afghani or Lebanese restaurant and are craving a good burger, you’d do well to choose a Kafta Kebab. They are usually one of the mildest food choices on the menu and are a great gateway meal into further explorations.

But again, this isn’t a Kafta Kebab! It is an All-American Cheeseburger, rolled up to allow for even cooking on the already installed 7-11 hot dog roller system you know and love. It is $1.99 and even though I have it listed in the I Ate It (So You Don’t Have To) section, you could do worse.

File it under “If I have to have a burger and there aren’t any (and I mean any) other options…